My friend and I are close, and we've known each other for 4 years, but he keeps
trying to get me to let him lick me "down below" and I say no but he doesn't leave
me alone. What can I do to make him stop making me uncomfortable? He always says it
would be funny and I won't get an STD, but I don't want to and we keep getting angry
at each other. Please help!
– Terry*
When someone pressures you to do something you're not comfortable with, you have
a right to say no — whether it's about something sexual, or about anything else.
A friend should respect and accept your answer
You can feel proud of yourself for knowing what doesn't feel right for you, for
saying so, and for sticking to what you believe is right. It takes a lot of self-confidence
and self-respect. Well done! Standing up to this kind of pressure isn't always easy
to do, but it's the right way to keep feeling good about yourself.
It can be hard when you do the right thing but still find yourself in a tough situation.
Your friend keeps pressuring you to get what he wants, even though you've said no.
It makes you feel uncomfortable, and maybe even disrespected. But the more serious
problem is that your friend has crossed a line. Whether or not he realizes
it, what he's doing can be considered sexual
harassment, even if you are friends.
Try having one more serious conversation with your friend. Tell him that what he's
been saying makes you uncomfortable. Be calm but assertive.
Tell him he needs to stop bringing it up. Say you mean it, that it's not funny, and
that friends don't use each other or pressure each other. Tell him if he ever brings
it up again, that you'll walk away without discussing it. Be strong, clear, and confident.
Try not to get angry or apologize.
Your friend may need to learn that he can't get what he wants at someone else's
expense. If he is a true friend, he'll realize how his pressure is affecting you.
Healthy relationships — both friendships and romantic relationships —
are about mutual respect. A true friend wants you to feel secure, respected, and treated
right, not used or manipulated. By pointing out what crosses the line, you're helping
your friend learn what it takes to be a better romantic partner — and friend.
One final note: People with STDs don't always know they have them. Your friend
can't "guarantee" that he is STD-free. That's why people who decide to have sex should
always use condoms
every time. This means condoms for vaginal sex, anal sex, and guys receiving oral
sex. For girls receiving oral sex, their partner should use a dental
dam.
*Names have been changed to protect user privacy.
Date reviewed: October 2018
