6 Tips for Telling Your Child About a Military Deployment

Knowing how to tell your child that a parent has to leave for military service (deployment) can be tough. You want to prepare kids for the challenges ahead but don't want to worry them. It's best to be honest and tell kids that mom or dad has to go away to do a job for our country. These tips can help you do that.

1. Talk with your child as soon as you can. When you know the deployment date, it's important to give kids advance notice. This can be really helpful if a deployment will involve big changes in a child’s life, like a move, a new school, or a new primary caregiver.

2. Explain things based on kids' age and maturity level. Consider how much kids can understand and absorb. Use words, examples, or analogies that they know.

Younger children may not get the idea of a parent being away for a long time. Instead, you can say something like, “Mommy won't be there to take you to school in the mornings.” Or, “Daddy won't be back until after Christmas.” To help ease any anxiety about separation, make sure kids know that the parent will come back home.

Young kids’ worries tend to be about their daily routine (“Who will tuck me in at night?”). They need to know who'll be caring for them and keeping them safe. Talk about the people who’ll be there to help them. Make a list together of things that are important for them to feel secure, like taking them to school or reading a bedtime story. Then share that information with the other parent or caregiver before deployment.

Older kids and teens might have more concerns about how long the parent will be gone and if the person will be OK. Reassure them as best you can that the loved one is well-trained and every effort will be made to keep them safe.

3. Say what you feel. Telling kids that you’re nervous or sad lets them know that their feelings are normal and that they can talk about them with you. Suggest ways to cope, like doing a fun activity together, singing a favorite song, dancing, or drawing a picture.

4. Make a plan to stay connected. Let kids know it's OK to miss their parent. Remind them that they'll be thought of and loved while the parent is away. Talk about ways to keep in touch, like email, texts, letters, photos, and videos. Promising to think of each other at the same time each day, like before bed, is another way to feel close.

5. Try not to overload kids. Avoid telling your child to be the head of the house while one parent is away. Kids need to be kids, even in tough times. Instead, say that you know they'll do their best even though it might be hard.

6. Spend extra time together. The parent who’s being deployed should try to spend plenty of one-on-one time with their kids in the days and weeks before leaving. These are the memories that kids will hold on to until the parent returns.