5 Ways to Cope When a Loved One Leaves for Military Service

If a parent or sibling goes away for military service (deployment), it's natural to wonder what life will be like for you and your family. Know that there are plenty of ways to stay in touch, help at home, feel less stressed, and get support.

Here are 5 ways to cope while your loved one is away.

1. Stay Connected

Ask if you’ll be able to text, email, or have phone or video calls with your loved one. If you can but are in different time zones, you may not get a response right away. Try to schedule times to chat so you won’t feel anxious wondering when you’ll speak with each other.

An online photo album can help everyone stay in touch. See if any of your sports games, plays, or recitals can be livestreamed or recorded for your family member to watch remotely. You also might be able to send letters and care packages. Consider filling a scrapbook with things like pictures, artwork, and report cards for when the person returns.

2. Help Out at Home

Some things at home will change, but it’s important to keep focusing on school and your after-school activities. It’s not your job to take on the household duties of your deployed parent or sibling, but you might be able to do a few extra things to help. You can try watching younger siblings, helping them with homework, or making dinner once a week. Doing your usual chores without being reminded can also help a lot.

3. Learn How to Handle Stress

Missing your loved one and getting used to things at home can be stressful. Here are some tips to help you deal with your feelings:

• Keep a routine. When there are big changes in life, keeping some things the same can help you feel better. Try to stick to your regular routines, like having dinner with your family at the same time each day.
• Exercise, eat right, and sleep well. Stress can lead to eating foods that aren’t healthy or spending too much time online, watching TV, or playing video games. Exercising, choosing healthy foods, and getting enough sleep can help you stay at your best.
• Limit the news. It can be tempting to keep checking the news to learn about where your family member is. If you have trouble with this, your parent or caregiver can help figure out what to do.
• Do things that help you feel calm. Draw, write in a journal, read, listen to music, go for a walk, or play with a pet. Do what relaxes you. You can also try mindfulness (paying full attention to the present moment), deep breathing exercises, or yoga.
• Help others. Your loved one is helping other people and doing the same can make you feel connected. Look for ways to volunteer in your community.

4. Get Support

Often, you’re not the only one in your family who’s missing your loved one. Sharing how you all feel can be a comfort. You can lean on each other.

You can also tell teachers or a school counselor that a family member has been deployed. They may be able to adjust deadlines and help you manage schoolwork.

Some communities, religious groups, and schools have support groups for families of service members. Ask your parent to help you look for ones locally or online.

5. Get Extra Help if You Need It

Stress can take a lot of forms. Maybe you’re eating or sleeping more or less than before, or falling behind in school. Sometimes you might get headaches or stomachaches. If your stress feels too strong, happens too often, or seems like more than you can handle, talk with a parent or another trusted adult. Your doctor may recommend that you see a therapist to help you deal with your feelings.