Practical Support
"If there's anything I can do…" is a nice thing to say. But families of
teens with cancer often say that the more specific the offer, the better.
Here are a few things you can offer to do:
Be the point person. Help your friend's family spend less time
updating people by phone or email — offer to relay messages to friends, teachers,
and others on a regular basis. Make sure you have the phone numbers and email addresses
you need, and then create a list so you can text or email everyone at once when there
is news to report.
Go a little nutty. Don't be afraid to be silly. Humor can be an
excellent distraction, so consider showing up with joke books, Mad Libs (remember
those?), Silly String, comedy DVDs, weird little toys — anything you think your
friend would like. If your friend is feeling low on energy, which is common during
treatment, bring in the fun and turn up the silliness.
Make a care package. Talk with your friend's parents about what
foods your friend can and can't have — and what foods might be favorites right
now (when people are sick, their tastes can change). Or put together some fun, escapist
stuff for your friend to do while alone, perhaps fast-read novels or games
like Sudoku. Wrap up your package and bring it to the hospital or your friend's home.
Step in with siblings. If your friend has siblings, spend some
time with them. They probably feel a lot of the same things you do, so you might be
able to help each other through it.
Help out with schoolwork. Offer to help your friend with homework
— everything from passing along assignments to tutoring your friend or working
together if it's appropriate. Even something as simple as taking really good notes
(or asking someone else to do so if your friend is not in your class) can be a huge
help.
Create a blog. Have friends and family members contribute to a
blog — or, offline, fill a small notebook — with funny or meaningful stories,
quotes, and trivia from your friendship. Be careful not to give it a tone of "these
were the last good times," but instead let it be a fun reminder of how much your friend
means to everyone and how eager you are for his/her recovery so you can keep making
memories! Consider adding pictures and making it look like a celebrity magazine about
your friend. Give it as a gift so your friend can read it when feeling down.
Take care of yourself. Your friend's cancer will take a toll on
you, too, so try to be aware of your own emotional needs. Consider keeping a journal
as well as talking with a trusted adult about the impact this has on you.
The bottom line: The most important thing is to be there for your friend, in whatever
way feels natural.
Date reviewed: February 2015