What Are Cliques?
Cliques are groups of friends, but not all groups of friends are cliques. The thing
that makes a group a clique (say: KLIK) is that they leave some kids
out on purpose. They form groups that they won't let other kids belong to. Sometimes
kids in the clique are mean to kids they think are on the outside. Usually one or
two popular kids control who gets to be in the clique and who gets left
out.
Kids may act differently than they did before they were part of the clique. They
may even act differently today from how they were yesterday. It can be really confusing.
Kids might form cliques in elementary school or in middle school. Sometimes cliques
are made of kids who share an interest in something, like sports or computer games
or music. Sometimes the kids in them want to be popular or want to belong. They might
say you can only join in if you wear certain clothes, or they might make you feel
bad if your mom or dad can't afford the same stuff they can.
Both boys and girls have cliques, though people who study these groups say girl
cliques may be more common. Girl cliques are often meaner and more hurtful in the
way they treat girls who aren't in the group.
Feeling Left Out
If you are on the outside of a clique, it can make you frustrated and confused.
Maybe someone who was your BFF last week is now mean to you and won't sit with you
at lunch. It can make you feel like crying or just feel really angry or sad. You might
feel lonely at lunch or after school, or even afraid if you feel that someone might
pick on you or fight with you. You might be frustrated or upset because you don't
know what to do. You might feel hurt because of the ways other kids leave you out.
Why Do Other Kids Join Cliques?
One of the hard things about cliques is if a person who was your friend joins one
and starts treating you differently. Sometimes, the problem starts with an argument
between the two of you. But other times you can find yourself on the outside of a
clique even if nothing happened.
Sometimes you get left out because you look, act, or dress differently from other
kids. Or just because you're the "new kid" in class. Kids who get into cliques usually
want to be popular and feel cool. Sometimes kids think that belonging to a clique
will keep them from feeling left out. Some kids feel more powerful when they're mean
to other people (like bullies).
Kids in cliques sometimes act differently than they would outside the group. They
often go along with what the others are doing, even if they know it's not right —
even if it means leaving out a friend.
Some kids might even feel bad about the way they treat other kids, but they can't
figure out how to be cool and still be nice to the person who's not in the clique.
This is no excuse, though. Plenty of kids manage to be nice to everyone — kids
in and outside their closest group of friends — without being part of a clique.