School's starting soon. Last year I bullied this boy. (I'm a girl.) I attacked
him even though he's stronger because I knew he wouldn't hit a girl. I insulted him.
I humiliated him every chance I got. I want to start over. I want to apologize but
I don't know how. I feel awful for doing this. He doesn't trust me. How do I show
him I changed?
– Jess
First, be proud of yourself for changing. It's not easy to admit that you bullied
someone or to stop once you start. And it takes a lot of courage to try to make up
for past bullying behavior.
Offering an apology to someone you've bullied is a great first step toward starting
over. If you can, take him aside and say, "I want to apologize for my actions last
year." Being authentic and speaking from the heart can help. Tell him, "I feel really
bad for what I did. It's been on my mind all summer."
People who are bullied often have difficulty trusting others, especially the people
who have bullied them in the past. So don't expect the other person to automatically
accept your apology. For instance, he might ignore your apology, yell at you, or even
tease you.
Be patient. You've probably heard that "actions speak louder than words." So after
offering words of apology, you then need to show him that you've really changed:
Be kind and helpful to him and others. Over time, he should get the hint that you've
changed — then you can both move on.
This will take time. To get past any ups and downs, it can help to focus on two
things: First, what you're doing takes courage and you can take pride in the fact
that you are taking real steps to change. Second, whatever happens, you're building
some good skills and learning more about yourself and the kind of person you want
to be.
*Names have been changed to protect user privacy.
