When we're struggling with something, it's natural to turn to others for help.
Helping each other is all part of the giving and receiving that makes up good relationships.
Getting help sounds simple. But it's not always easy to do. Sometimes we stand
in our own way without realizing it.
Certain beliefs or ways of thinking can make it hard to see opportunities for help.
Here are some examples of the kinds of attitudes that can stand in the way —
and ideas on how to get past them.
Obstacle 1: Believing That Needing Help Is a Sign of Weakness
Asking for help shows maturity and confidence. It's a sign of
strength, not weakness. You know what you need and you're not afraid to reach out
for it.
For example, instead of thinking:
I don't want my coach to find out I can't nail that move in case he thinks I shouldn't
be on the team.
Change it to:
I'll show my coach how committed I am to the team — and how hard I practice
— by asking him to share tips on how I can improve.
Obstacle 2: Thinking You Don't Deserve Help or Support
Everyone needs help now and then. No one can — or should — handle everything
alone. Accepting help can strengthen friendships and relationships. Everyone
feels good when they can support a friend!
For example, instead of thinking:
I'd really like to find out how Katy is coping with her parents' divorce, but
she's so popular and busy I'm sure she doesn't have time for me.
Change it to:
I'll ask Katy if she has time to talk and let her know how much her perspective
means to me. Maybe some of the stuff that happened to me can help her too.
Be choosy about who you ask to help, though. Share your feelings
or a problem with someone who listens and cares — not someone who judges, criticizes,
or blames you. Most of the time we can guess which way people might react. But on
rare occasions, they catch us off guard. If you do get rejected, it's not because
of anything you did. It's what's going on with the other person.
Tell yourself:
If Katy says no, she might not be ready to talk about her own experiences. If
she's rude, then I'll know from the start that she's not friend material.