When they know they're "going to the doctor," many kids worry a bit about
the visit. Whether they're going to see their primary care doctor for a routine checkup or a specialist for a problem, kids might have fears or even feel guilty.
Some of these feelings surface easily, so that kids can talk about them. Others
are kept secret. Here's how to help your child talk about and overcome any worries.
What Worries Do Kids Have About Medical Exams?
Things that kids worry about when going to the doctor include:
- Separation. Kids often fear that their parents may leave them
in the exam room and wait in another room. This fear of separation during mysterious
exams is most common in kids under 7 years old, but can worry older kids too.
- Pain. Kids may worry that a part of the exam or a medical procedure
will hurt. Kids ages 6 to 12, for instance, often worry that they'll need to
get a shot.
- The doctor. Some kids' concerns may be about the doctor's manner.
A kid may misinterpret qualities such as speed, efficiency, or a detached attitude
and view them as sternness, dislike, or rejection.
- The unknown. Kids sometimes worry that a medical problem is much
worse than their parents are telling them. Some who have simple problems worry they
may need surgery or hospitalization; some who are ill worry that they may die.
Also, kids often have feelings of guilt: They may believe that their illness or
condition is punishment for something they've done or should have done. Kids who feel
guilty also might believe that exams and medical procedures are part of their punishment.
How Can I Help My Kids?
Encourage your kids to express their fears, and then address them in ways they
understand. Here are some practical ways to do this:
Talk About Why You're Going
Prepare kids by giving them advance notice of a visit so it's not a surprise. When
explaining the purpose of the visit, talk about the doctor in a positive way.
If you're going to a regular health checkup, explain that it's a well-child visit:
"The doctor will check on how you're growing
and developing, and also ask questions and examine you to make sure that your body
is healthy. And you'll get a chance to ask any questions you want to about your body
and your health." Explain that all healthy kids go to the doctor for such visits.
If the visit is to diagnose and treat an illness or other condition, explain —
in non-scary language — that the doctor "needs to check you to find out how
to fix this and help you get better."
Talk About Any Negative Feelings
If your child goes to the doctor because of an illness or other condition, discuss
the health problem in neutral language and reassure your child: "This isn't caused
by anything you did or forgot to do. Illnesses like this happen to many kids. Aren't
we lucky to have doctors who can find the causes and who know how to help us get well?"
If you, your partner, other relatives, or friends had (or have) the same condition,
share this information. Knowing that others have been through the same thing can help
ease fears.
If your child sees a doctor for something that led to ridicule or rejection by
other kids (or even by adults), work to relieve shame and blame. Problems like head lice, embarrassing scratching
caused by pinworm, and daytime
wetting or bedwetting are
often misunderstood by others. Stay supportive, and keep reassuring your child that
the condition is not his or her fault and that many kids have had
it.
If your child was injured while disregarding safety rules, point out the cause-and-effect
between the action and the injury, while avoiding blame. You could say, "You probably
didn't understand the danger involved in doing that, but I'm sure you understand now,
and I know you won't do it that way again." If
your child repeatedly disobeys rules and is injured, speak to your doctor. This sort
of worrisome behavior pattern needs a closer look.
In every case, though, be sure to explain, especially to young kids, that going
to the doctor is not a punishment. Help your kids understand that
adults go to doctors just like kids do and that the doctor's job is to help people
stay healthy and fix any problems.