Explain the Problem
Now that you're more at ease, start preparing your child. Begin by explaining the
reason for the surgery in simple, calming words. Explain — at your child's level
of understanding — about the medical problem and why surgery is necessary. Don't
use alarming language like "the doctor will cut you," "open you up," or "sew you with
a needle." Say that the doctor will fix the problem, and explain that many kids
have this problem and must get it fixed at the hospital.
Although they seldom express it, kids may fear that their parents aren't telling
them everything — that their health problem is worse than they've been led to
believe. To build trust, don't mislead your child — tell as much of the truth
as your child can understand.
Handle Fears
Many kids fear that an operation will be painful. It can help to explain that
a special doctor, called an anesthesiologist, gives medicine to make patients sleep
very deeply so they won't feel anything during the operation and once it's finished,
they'll wake up. (Older kids, in particular, need special assurances that they will
wake up.)
Again, avoid frightening language — don't say, "You'll be given gas" or "You'll
be put to sleep." Young kids may confuse "gas" with the fuel that can poison
or kill and "put to sleep" with what can happen to sick pets.
Explain that you'll be there when your child wakes up — and a favorite toy
can come along, too. Tell your child that if anything feels sore right after
the operation, a doctor or nurse can give medicine that will make it feel better.
Common surgery-related fears of young children are the possibility of separation
from (or abandonment by) parents and the possibility of pain. School-age kids also
fear needles, knives, and damage to their bodies. Give a child this age clear, rational
information as well as assurances that the surgery is to fix an existing problem,
not create a new one.
The fears of teens go well beyond those of younger kids. Besides pain or change
of appearance, a teen might be afraid of losing control, missing out on events,
being embarrassed or humiliated in public, and sounding childish by expressing fear,
anxiety, or pain. A teen also may be afraid of waking up during the operation
— or not waking up afterward.
Anticipate these fears, then emphasize that expressing fear, anxiety, and response
to pain is quite normal (and OK) at any age, even adulthood. Correct any misconceptions
about disfigurement or injury. And explain that anesthesia is very safe today
and that patients do not wake up during operations but will
certainly wake up afterward.
Encourage your teen to read up on the medical condition and share the
information with the family. Reading and sharing information is an excellent coping
mechanism.
One further fear that affects kids of all ages is being seen naked and having their
"private parts" touched. If the operation involves the genital or anal area, your
child will cope better if you explain in advance that although it might be embarrassing,
doctors and nurses will need to examine these private areas, especially to check if
they're healing after the operation. Explain that doctors, nurses, and parents are
the only exceptions to the rules about privacy.
Encourage your child's questions about the health problem and hospital experience,
so that other fears and anxieties can be expressed. Take all questions seriously and
answer them to the best of your ability. If you don't know an answer, tell your child
that you'll find it out, and explain that the doctors and nurses are happy to answer
questions, too.