Ethan felt like there was no point going on with life. Things had been tough since
his mom died. His dad was working two jobs and seemed frazzled and angry most of the
time. Whenever he and Ethan talked, it usually ended in yelling. Ethan had just found
out he'd failed a math test. He was afraid of how mad his dad would be. He missed
having his mom to talk to.
Ethan knew where his dad kept his guns. But as he
was unlocking the cabinet, he heard his sister come home from school. He didn't want
Grace to be the person to find him, so he put the gun back and went to watch TV with
Later, when he realized how close he'd come to ending his life, Ethan was terrified.
He summoned the courage to talk to his dad. After a long conversation, he realized
how much his dad cared. All he could think of was how he'd almost thrown it all away.
Why Do Teens Try to Kill Themselves?
Most teens interviewed after making a suicide attempt say that they did it because
they were trying to escape from a situation that seemed impossible to deal with or
to get relief from really bad thoughts or feelings. Like Ethan, they didn't want to
die as much as they wanted to escape from what was going on. And at that particular
moment dying seemed like the only way out.
Some people who end their lives or attempt suicide might be trying to escape feelings
of rejection, hurt, or loss. Others might feel angry, ashamed, or guilty about something.
Some people may be worried about disappointing friends or family members. And some
may feel unwanted, unloved, victimized, or like they're a burden to others.
We all feel overwhelmed by difficult emotions or situations sometimes. But most
people get through it or can put their problems in perspective and find a way to carry
on with determination and hope. So why does one person try suicide when another person
in the same tough situation does not? What makes some people more resilient (better
able to deal with life's setbacks and difficulties) than others? What makes a person
unable to see another way out of a bad situation besides ending his or her life?
The answer to those questions lies in the fact that most people who commit suicide
Depression leads people to focus mostly on failures and disappointments, to emphasize
the negative side of their situations, and to downplay their own capabilities or worth.
Someone with severe depression
is unable to see the possibility of a good outcome and may believe they will never
be happy or things will never go right for them again.
Depression affects a person's thoughts in such a way that the person doesn't see
when a problem can be overcome. It's as if the depression puts a filter on the person's
thinking that distorts things. That's why depressed people don't realize that suicide
is a permanent solution to a temporary problem in the same way that other people do.
A teen with depression may feel like there's no other way out of problems, no other
escape from emotional pain, or no other way to communicate a desperate unhappiness.
Sometimes people who feel suicidal may not even realize they are depressed. They're
unaware that it is the depression — not the situation — that's influencing
them to see things in a "there's no way out," "it will never get better," "there's
nothing I can do" kind of way.
When depression lifts because someone gets the proper therapy or treatment, the
distorted thinking is cleared. The person can find pleasure, energy, and hope again.
But while someone is seriously depressed, suicidal thinking is a real concern.
People with a condition called bipolar
disorder are also more at risk for suicide because their condition can cause them
to go through times when they are extremely depressed as well as times when they have
abnormally high or frantic energy (called mania or manic). Both of these extreme phases
of bipolar disorder affect and distort a person's mood, outlook, and judgment. For
people with this condition, it can be a challenge to keep problems in perspective
and act with good judgment.
Teens with alcohol and drug
problems are also more at risk for suicidal thinking and behavior. Alcohol and
some drugs have depressive effects on the brain. Misuse of these substances can bring
on serious depression. That's especially true for some teens who already have a tendency
to depression because of their biology, family history, or other life stressors.
The problem can be made worse because many people who are depressed turn to alcohol
or drugs as an escape. But they may not realize that the depressive effects alcohol
and drugs have on the brain can actually intensify depression in the long run.
In addition to their depressive effects, alcohol and drugs alter a person's judgment.
They interfere with the ability to assess risk, make good choices, and think of solutions
to problems. Many suicide attempts occur when someone is under the influence of alcohol
This doesn't mean that everyone who is depressed or who has an alcohol or drug
problem will try to kill themselves, of course. But these conditions — especially
both together — increase a person's risk for suicide.
Suicide Is Not Always Planned
Sometimes a depressed person plans a suicide in advance. Many times, though, suicide
attempts happen impulsively, in a moment of feeling desperately upset. A situation
like a breakup, a big fight with a parent, an unintended pregnancy, being outed by
someone else, or being victimized in any way can cause someone to feel desperately
upset. Often, a situation like this, on top of an existing depression, acts like the
Some people who attempt suicide mean to die and some aren't completely sure they
want to die. For some, a suicide attempt is a way to express deep emotional pain.
They can't say how they feel, so, for them, attempting suicide feels like the only
way to get their message across. Sadly, many people who really didn't mean to kill
themselves end up dead or critically ill.
There are often signs that someone may be thinking about or planning a suicide
attempt. Here are some of them:
talking about suicide or death in general
talking about "going away"
referring to things they "won't be needing," and giving away possessions
talking about feeling hopeless or feeling guilty
pulling away from friends or family and losing the desire to go out
having no desire to take part in favorite things or activities
having trouble concentrating or thinking clearly
experiencing changes in eating or sleeping habits
engaging in self-destructive behavior (drinking alcohol, taking drugs, or cutting,
What if This Is You?
If you have been thinking about suicide, get help now. Depression is powerful.
You can't wait and hope that your mood might improve. When a person has been feeling
down for a long time, it's hard to step back and be objective.
Talk to someone you trust as soon as you can. If you can't talk to a parent, talk
to a coach, a relative, a school counselor, a religious leader, or a teacher. Call
a suicide crisis line (such as 1-800-SUICIDE) or your local emergency number (911).
These toll-free lines are staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week by trained professionals
who can help you without ever knowing your name or seeing your face. All calls are
confidential — no one you know will find out that you've called. They are there
to help you figure out how to work through tough situations.
What if It's Someone You Know?
It is always a good thing to start a conversation with someone you think may be
considering suicide. It allows you to get
help for the person, and just talking about it may help the person to feel less
alone and more cared about and understood.
Talking things through also may give the person an opportunity to consider other
solutions to problems. Most of the time, people who are considering suicide are willing
to talk if someone asks them out of concern and care. Because people who are depressed
are not as able to see answers as well as others, it can help to have someone work
with them in coming up with at least one other way out of a bad situation.
Even if a friend or classmate swears you to secrecy, you must get help as soon
as possible — your friend's life could depend on it. Someone who is seriously
thinking about suicide may have sunk so deeply into an emotional hole that the person
could be unable to recognize that he or she needs help. Tell an adult you trust as
soon as possible.
If necessary, you can also call a suicide crisis line (such as 1-800-SUICIDE) or
your local emergency number (911).These are confidential resources and the people
at any of these places are happy to talk to you to help you figure out what to do.
Sometimes, teens who make a suicide attempt — or who die as a result of suicide
— seem to give no clue beforehand. This can leave loved ones feeling not only
grief stricken but guilty
and wondering if they missed something. It is important for family members and friends
of those who die by suicide to know that sometimes there is no warning and they should
not blame themselves.
When someone dies by suicide, the people left behind can wrestle with a terrible
emotional pain. Teens who have had a recent loss or crisis or who had a family member
or classmate who committed suicide may be especially vulnerable to suicidal thinking
and behavior themselves.
If you've been close to someone who has attempted or committed suicide, it can
help to talk with a therapist or counselor — someone who is trained in dealing
with this complex issue. Or, you could join a group for survivors where you can share
your feelings and get the support of people who have been in the same situation as
Coping With Problems
Being a teen is not easy. There are many new social, academic, and personal pressures.
And for teens who have additional problems to deal with, such as living in violent
or abusive environments, life can feel even more difficult.
Some teens worry about sexuality and relationships, wondering if their feelings
and attractions are normal, or if they will be loved and accepted. Others struggle
with body image and eating problems; trying to reach an impossible ideal leaves them
feeling bad about themselves.
Some teens have learning problems or attention problems that make it hard for them
to succeed in school. They may feel disappointed in themselves or feel they are a
disappointment to others.
These problems can be difficult and draining — and can lead to depression
if they go on too long without relief or support. We all struggle with painful problems
and events at times. How do people get through it without becoming depressed? Part
of it is staying connected to family, friends, school, faith, and other support networks.
People are better able to deal with tough circumstances when they have at least
one person who believes in them, wants the best for them, and in whom they can confide.
People also cope better when they keep in mind that most problems are temporary and
can be overcome.
When struggling with problems, it helps to:
Tell someone you trust what's going on with you.
Be around people who are caring and positive.
Ask someone to help you figure out what to do about a problem you're facing.
Work with a therapist or counselor if problems are getting you down and depressed
— or if you don't have a strong support network or feel you can't cope.
Counselors and therapists can provide emotional support and can help teens build
their own coping skills for dealing with problems. It can also help to join a support
network for people who are going through the same problems — for example, anorexia
and body image issues, living with an alcoholic family member, or sexuality and sexual
health concerns. These groups can help provide a caring environment where you can
talk through problems with people who share your concerns.
Check your phone book or look online to find local support groups, or ask a school
counselor or a youth group leader to help you find what you need.