Sticking to the Truth
Avoid trying to gloss over the event with a lie. Telling a child that "Buster ran
away" or "Max went on a trip" is not a good idea. It probably won't alleviate the
sadness about losing the pet, and if the truth does come out, your child will probably
be angry that you lied.
If asked what happens to the pet after it dies, draw on your own understanding
of death, including, if relevant, the viewpoint of your faith. And since none of us
knows fully, an honest "I don't know" certainly can be an appropriate answer —
it's OK to tell kids that death is a mystery.
Helping Your Child Cope
Like anyone dealing with a loss, kids usually feel a variety of emotions besides
sadness after the death of a pet. They might experience loneliness, anger if the pet
was euthanized, frustration that the pet couldn't get better, or guilt about times
that they were mean to or didn't care for the pet as promised.
Help kids understand that it's natural to feel all of those emotions, that it's
OK to not want to talk about them at first, and that you're there when they are ready
to talk.
Don't feel compelled to hide your own sadness about losing a pet. Showing how you
feel and talking about it openly sets an example for kids. You show that it's OK to
feel sad when you lose a loved one, to talk about your feelings, and to cry when you
feel sad. And it's comforting to kids to know that they're not alone in feeling sad.
Share stories about the pets you had — and lost — when you were young
and how difficult it was to say goodbye.
Looking Ahead
After the shock of the news fades, it's important to help your child heal and move
on.
It can help kids to find special ways to remember a pet. You might have a ceremony
to bury your pet or just share memories of fun times you had together. Write a prayer
together or offer thoughts on what the pet meant to each family member. Share stories
of your pet's funny moments. Offer lots of loving hugs. You could do a project too,
like making a scrapbook.
Keep in mind that grieving over the loss of a pet, particularly for a child, is
similar to grieving over a person. For kids, losing a pet who offered love and companionship
can be much harder than losing a distant relative. You might have to explain that
to friends, family members, or others who don't own pets or don't understand that.
Perhaps most important, talk about your pet, often and with love. Let your child
know that while the pain will go away, the happy memories of the pet will always remain.
When the time is right, you might consider adopting a new pet — not as a replacement,
but as a way to welcome another animal friend into your family.