All living things — including bugs and fish and people — die. It's
difficult, even for grownups, to understand why this must happen. It may be the hardest
thing of all to understand. The best we can do is accept death as a fact of life.
It happens, and we can't do anything to change that.
When — and How — Does It Happen?
Most of the time people enjoy long, long lives. Lots of people live well into their
70s or 80s, and some live even longer. Slowly, though, over the course of many years,
the human body wears out, just like the tires on an old bicycle or the batteries in
your favorite toy. When important parts of the body — like the heart or lungs
or brain — wear out and stop working, the person most likely will die. When
this happens, we say this person died of "old age."
Sometimes younger people die. Sometimes a person gets very sick, and despite all
the hard work of doctors and medicines, nothing can keep this person's body working.
If a very sick person dies, you may hear the adults around you say that person is
better off now and no longer suffering. Still, every day doctors discover more ways
to prevent and treat serious illness, so the chances of a person recovering improve
all the time.
Other times people die suddenly, like in an accident. This may be the hardest kind
of death for families and friends to deal with because it happens so fast. There is
no time for them to get used to the idea of losing someone they love. The important
thing to remember about this kind of death is it's often so sudden that the person
who dies feels little or no pain. We can be relieved about that.
Where Do Dead People Go?
Many people believe that when someone dies only the body dies. It is just as if
a glass bottle full of water broke, and the bottle became useless. The container is
gone, but what's inside — the water — remains. The part of a person that's
left after the body dies is often called the "soul" or "spirit." Some people believe
the soul is the part of a human that loves, feels, and creates; it's the part that
make us who we are.
No one really knows what happens to a person's soul after death. There are many
different beliefs about that, and it's best to talk with your family to find out what
they believe happens after our bodies die. Then you can decide what you believe.
What Does Grieving Mean?
When someone we love dies, it hurts us. We feel sad that the person will no longer
be around to talk to or to have fun with. That absence leaves a big hole in our lives.
Maybe you had a pet that
died. Remember the first few times you walked into the house after your dog or
cat was gone? It was strange not to have your pet there. Maybe you cried — that's
OK. We need to mourn, or grieve, over losing people and animals and other things we
But just like when you skin your knee, the first, intense pain will go away after
a while. It takes time for your knee to heal, but it hurts less and less each day.
It's the same when somebody dies. That doesn't mean we forget or stop missing people
who died. After a while, we can go back to our lives, still loving them and remembering
Remembering people we love who have died is one way to keep them a part of us.
Pictures help us do this. Looking at a photo album can help us remember fun times
we had together. Lots of families bury the bodies of loved ones in a cemetery. Then
they can go and visit someone's grave. It's not that they think of the dead person
as really being there, but it is a special place to go and think about how much that
person meant to them.
What About Me?
When someone dies, you may start to wonder if the other people in your life will
also die soon. You may ask yourself, "Will my mom or dad die?" or "Will I die?" The
best thing you can do is share these thoughts with your family. It may be difficult
— maybe even a little painful — to talk about these things, but it can
feel good to share your feelings. It's important to talk about any fears you may have
instead of hiding them or pretending you aren't scared. The people who love you want
to know you're having these feelings so they can help.
Did you know you can also help the grownups around you when they're sad that someone
has died? Can you remember a funny story about the person who died? Or something nice
that person did for you? Tell the good stories you remember out loud. They will make
everyone feel a little better.
If I'm Going to Die Someday, What Should I Do Now?
There are many things about death we do not know and may never know. We do know
that it will happen, someday, to all of us. But you should not worry or wonder about
it for very long. There are too many wonderful things to experience in the many, many