When people think of rape, they might picture a stranger jumping out of a shadowy place and attacking someone. But in reality about half of all people who are raped know the person who attacked them. This is known as date rape — forced sex that can happen on a date but also somewhere like a party with someone the victim may know, like, or even be interested in.
Girls and women are more likely to be raped, but it can also happen to guys. It's not just men who rape. In rare cases, women rape, too.
Being good friends, talking to someone, dating, or hooking up usually don't lead to violence or rape. But it can happen, so it's best to be prepared.
Here are three key things to know about rape:
The person who gets raped is not to blame. Rape is always the rapist's fault. People never "ask for it" because of the clothes they wear or the way they act. If sex is forced against someone's will, it's rape. That's true even when two people are dating or married — even if they've had sex before. You never "owe" someone sex, even if you're a couple.
Rape is not always violent. If you say "no," but the person doesn't respect your wishes and talks you into something that you don't want, it's rape.
Rape is not about sex or passion. Forced sex is an act of violence and aggression. It has nothing to do with love. Healthy relationships are about respect. Someone who really cares about you will respect your wishes and not force or pressure you to do anything sexual without your agreement.
Alcohol and Drugs
Alcohol and drugs can play a role in date rapes. Drinking can loosen inhibitions, reduce common sense, and — for some people — allow aggressive tendencies to surface.
Drugs can take away your ability to be in control or get help. You may have heard about "date rape" drugs like:
rohypnol, called roofies, lunch money, or mind erasers
GHB (gamma hydroxybutyric acid), called cherry meth, energy drink, gook
ketamine, called bump, special K, and super acid
These drugs can be mixed in to drinks and are almost impossible to detect, especially in dark-colored drinks such as cola or dark beer, or in a dark room. These drugs make people feel weak and confused and can cause them to pass out and forget everything that happened while they were on the drug.
These drugs are powerful and dangerous, and mixing them with alcohol is especially dangerous. People can end up dead if they're given a date rape drug when they've been drinking.
The best defense against date rape is to try to prevent it. Here are some things you can do:
Avoid secluded places when you're in the early stages of dating or just getting to know someone. Going someplace where you can't get help can be risky if you don't know the person you're with. That includes your room or the other person's. Wait until you trust your partner before going anywhere private or out of the way. Always be sure to have your cellphone fully charged so you can call for help.
Don't spend time alone with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. Always trust your instincts. If a situation doesn't feel right, get out.
Stay sober and aware. If you're with someone you don't know very well, stay aware of what's going on around you. Never drink something that has already been poured or opened, even if it's just a cola or an iced tea. Date rape drugs are more easily disguised in dark-colored drinks.
Be aware of your date's ability to agree to sex. You may be guilty of rape if the other person has been drinking, doing drugs, or is not in a condition to respond or react.
Be clear about what kind of relationship you want with the person. If you are not ready for hooking up, sex, or touching, or you're not sure, let the other person know.
Don't let peer pressure push you into something you don't want to do. "Everybody's doing it" is a myth. Most teens are not having sex, even if they are talking about it.
Go out with a group of friends and watch out for each other. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you feel threatened.
Take self-defense courses. These can build confidence and teach valuable physical techniques you can use to get away from an attacker.
If you are pressured into any type of sex or have been raped, or you wake up and are not sure what happened to you, here are some things that you can do:
Immediately After a Rape
If you're hurt, go straight to the emergency room. Most medical centers and hospital emergency departments have doctors and counselors trained to take care of someone who has been raped.
Call, text, or find someone you feel safe with. Tell them what happened or what you are concerned about.
If you want to report the rape, go to the hospital right away. To keep as much of the physical evidence as you can, don't change clothes, don't wash, and, if possible, don't use the bathroom before you go in.
If you aren't sure what to do, call a rape crisis center. Search online for local numbers or call the national sexual assault hotline at (800) 656-HOPE. Rape crisis calls are anonymous and confidential. The counselor can explain the law in your area and give you advice on what to do. Hospitals and police stations also know how to help you if you are not sure what to do next.
Write down as much as you can remember about what happened, and take pictures if that helps you remember.
Up to 72 Hours After a Rape
If you want to report the rape, go to the hospital as soon as you can. If possible, don't change clothes, don't wash, and don't use the bathroom. But if you've already done these things, don't let that stop you from getting help. Take as much evidence with you as you can — like underwear or other clothing that hasn't been washed yet. Doctors can gather DNA evidence several days after a rape. The hospital also will check you for STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), give girls a pregnancy test, and give you medicine if you need it.
If you aren't sure what to do, call a rape crisis center. Search online for local numbers or call the national sexual assault hotline at (800) 656-HOPE. Rape crisis calls are anonymous and confidential. The counselor can explain the law in your area and give you advice on what to do.
More Than 72 Hours After a Rape
If you want to report the rape, call the police or a rape crisis center. A rape crisis center is a good place to start if you were raped a while ago. They can give you advice on the best approach to take (for instance, if you should go to the hospital or contact the police first).
If you just want to talk or need counseling, call a rape support line. Search online for local numbers or call the national sexual assault hotline at (800) 656-HOPE. Rape crisis calls are anonymous and confidential. They will put you in touch with someone in your area who can help. Some rape crisis centers offer short-term counseling help.
The sooner a rape is reported, the better. Quick reporting increases the chances that rapists will be caught and can prevent them from hurting someone else.
If you're not sure about reporting a rape because you know the person, you can talk to a counselor at your local rape crisis center to find out what to do. You can report a rape months or, in some states, even years after it happens. Different states have different rules. To find out more about rape laws in your area, go to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) website (www.rainn.org).
Rape isn't just physically damaging — it can be emotionally traumatic as well. It may be hard to think or talk about something as personal as being raped by someone you know. A trained rape crisis counselor or other mental health professional can give you the right care and support to begin the healing process. Working things through can help prevent lingering problems later on.