Answering their kids' questions about sex is a responsibility that many parents dread. Otherwise confident moms and dads often feel tongue-tied and awkward when it comes to talking about puberty and where babies come from.
But the subject shouldn't be avoided. Parents can help foster healthy feelings about sex if they answer kids' questions in an age-appropriate way.
When do kids start becoming curious about their bodies?
From as early as infancy, kids are interested in learning about their own bodies. They notice the differences between boys and girls and are naturally curious.
Toddlers often will touch their own genitals when they're naked, such as in the bathtub or while being diapered. At this stage of development, they have no modesty. Such behaviors are signs of normal curiosity, not sexual activities, says the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), and shouldn't bring scolding or punishment.
So, what should you do when your toddler begins touching himself or herself? Each family will approach this in their own way, based on their values, comfort level, and style. But keep in mind that your reaction to your child's curiosity will convey whether these actions are "acceptable" or "shameful." Toddlers who are scolded and made to feel bad about their natural curiosity may develop an increased focus on their private parts or feel shame.
Some parents choose to casually ignore self-touching or redirect a child's attention toward something else. Others may want to acknowledge that, while they know it feels good to explore, it is a private matter and not OK to do in public.
Is it OK to use nicknames for private parts?
By the time a child is 3 years old, parents may choose to use the correct anatomical words. They may sound medical, but there is no reason why the proper label shouldn't be used when the child is capable of saying it. These words — penis, vagina, etc. — should be stated matter-of-factly, with no implied silliness. That way, the child learns to use them in a direct manner, without embarrassment.
In fact, this is what most parents do. A Gallup poll showed that 67% of parents use actual names to refer to male and female body parts.
What do you tell a very young child who asks where babies come from?
Depending on the child's age, you can say that the baby grows from an egg in the mommy's womb, pointing to your stomach, and comes out of a special place, called the vagina. There is no need to explain the act of lovemaking because very young kids will not understand the concept.
However, you can say that when a man and a woman love each other, they like to be close to one another. Tell them that the man's sperm joins the woman's egg and then the baby begins to grow. Most kids under the age of 6 will accept this answer. Age-appropriate books on the subject are also helpful. Answer the question in a straightforward manner, and you will probably find that your child is satisfied with just a little information at a time.