Practical Support
"If there's anything I can do…" is a nice thing to say. But families of teens with cancer often say that the more specific the offer, the better.
Here are a few things you can offer to do:
Be the point person. Help your friend's family spend less time updating people by phone or email — offer to relay messages to friends, teachers, and others on a regular basis. Make sure you have the phone numbers and email addresses you need, and then create a list so you can text or email everyone at once when there is news to report.
Go a little nutty. Don't be afraid to be silly. Humor can be an excellent distraction, so consider showing up with joke books, Mad Libs (remember those?), Silly String, comedy DVDs, weird little toys — anything you think your friend would like. If your friend is feeling low on energy, which is common during treatment, bring in the fun and turn up the silliness.
Make a care package. Talk with your friend's parents about what foods your friend can and can't have — and what foods might be favorites right now (when people are sick, their tastes can change). Or put together some fun, escapist stuff for your friend to do while alone, perhaps fast-read novels or games like Sudoku. Wrap up your package and bring it to the hospital or your friend's home.
Step in with siblings. If your friend has siblings, spend some time with them. They probably feel a lot of the same things you do, so you might be able to help each other through it.
Help out with schoolwork. Offer to help your friend with homework — everything from passing along assignments to tutoring your friend or working together if it's appropriate. Even something as simple as taking really good notes (or asking someone else to do so if your friend is not in your class) can be a huge help.
Create a blog. Have friends and family members contribute to a blog — or, offline, fill a small notebook — with funny or meaningful stories, quotes, and trivia from your friendship. Be careful not to give it a tone of "these were the last good times," but instead let it be a fun reminder of how much your friend means to everyone and how eager you are for his/her recovery so you can keep making memories! Consider adding pictures and making it look like a celebrity magazine about your friend. Give it as a gift so your friend can read it when feeling down.
Take care of yourself. Your friend's cancer will take a toll on you, too, so try to be aware of your own emotional needs. Consider keeping a journal as well as talking with a trusted adult about the impact this has on you.
The bottom line: The most important thing is to be there for your friend, in whatever way feels natural.
Date reviewed: February 2015